Meek Mill is not behind prison bars. He’s no longer required to check in with parole officers. But despite this freedom, the rapper has not fully rid himself of invisible shackles that still confine him.

“In the hood, I had ‘poverty pain’…when I turned to the streets, I’m 15, 16 years old, not knowing what I’m going to eat at night, not knowing what you’re going to wear tomorrow because we left the house. Your mom at work or dad dead,” said the rapper, who was 5 when his father was murdered. “This pain I’m getting now, it’s like I’m losing family members because I ain’t letting people borrow money.”

“Expensive Pain” is Meek Mill’s first full-length project since 2018’s Grammy-nominated “Championships” which came out seven months after his prison release following a controversial sentence in 2017 for technical probation violations involving a decade-old gun and drug possession case. The Pennsylvania trial judge sentenced him to two to four years in prison, but a court ordered his release in April 2018.

“You’re living in so much trauma and buried in trauma, you never even get a chance to really develop and become the person you’re supposed to be,” said Meek Mill about his hometown Philadelphia, which had 499 murders in 2020. “You see somebody get murdered yesterday, you ain’t going to be thinking about that for a week…You’re gonna be thinking about that for like 12 years on a daily basis. And if something else happens next week in your neighborhood, it’s gonna pile up.”

Both “Hot” with Moneybagg Yo and “Me (FWM),” which samples Lil Jon’s “Bia’ Bia’” featuring a standout verse from A$AP Ferg are club-ready bounce tracks, and “Ride for You” with Kehlani is a feel-good record showcasing the lost art of the hip-hop and R&B duet.

Meek Mill, who politely requested an earlier interview so he could make the two-hour trek from New York to the South Jersey area to attend his 10-year-old’s first football game, reveals small glimpses of life as a dad. He also has a 1-year-old son.

On the album’s title track, he says: “I keep my dreams for the fame and all the spoiled lil’ (expletive), ’cause I got two sons that’s kings and they like spoiled lil bros, and they want everything — they call, I buy — I order them clothes.”

Speaking on fatherhood, Meek said “I grew up in a bad environment, but my son won’t have to experience that. And, you know, just (teaching) him to become better than me is a responsibility that I took on…For my son, his dad is on the road more, me and his mom not together — we’re not in the same household. He doesn’t get the luxury of a full family, but he’s not going to live the way I came up. He’s going to live probably 100 times better.”

In August, the “Dreams and Nightmares” rapper received the Nelson Mandela Changemaker Award for his work as co-chair with the REFORM Alliance. Jay-Z, Meek Mill and others formed the coalition to lobby for changes to state probation and parole laws.

He may not have envisioned his own legal woes would spur him to social activism or seek changes in the same type of neighborhoods that he grew up in, but he’s not running from that work.

“He tries to be as positive as he can and be a positive influence without being preachy,” said Brinkley. “He’s open about, ‘Look, I make mistakes every day. But try to look at what I do and try another way.’”

If Meek Mill had known that he’d experience prison, poverty — and the trauma that comes with them — as a gateway to the success he has now, would he pay those costs?

“Seeing people die and to have PTSD from that, it ain’t worth it to get no money,” explained Meek. “It just happened to be the situation. I appreciate it, and it’s my life that built me into who I am. But it ain’t never worth it.”

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